Anilla Liadon (anilla) wrote,
Anilla Liadon
anilla

Day 10

When I came downstairs this afternoon, I was feeling a lot better than earlier in the day. I had a few hours to myself, during which I talked with the Great Mother and asked for her guidance. She calmed me, and helped me to realize that I really have nothing to fear in Byorne...he is a Panther, like me, and he would not hurt me unless Theria or perhaps Erissa told him to. I asked her to help me to trust, and although I have to do most of it myself...she helped me to realize that I can do it, if I try. So that is what I am doing...trying. I mess up sometimes, but I don't want my past to haunt me for the rest of my life.

So when I came downstairs, Byorne came down a little bit after me. For a few minutes it was just the two of us at the table, and we said good afternoon, but not much else. I did my best to be friendly. When Erissa came and sat at the table, I'll admit that I felt better...but it wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be.

Eventually the whole group was together at the table, all except Kilana who is off scouting somewhere. We discussed what we should do next, and I told the group my theories about what they told me happened earlier in the day while I was in my room. I really don't know what's going on, but I have a feeling that there is some sort of magic that is causing the whole thing with the police station to be...not right.

We then decided to visit Lord Barrowwind to ask him some questions. Unfortunately, when we arrived we found that Barrowwind had been killed by "bandits". We had tea with his daughter, and she gave us a very important message for Theria. We spent awhile trying to figure out how to deliver the message to her quickly. At first, Erissa wanted to send Tobias, but that would have taken too long. Byorne offered his telepathic abilities for the purpose of giving Theria the message. So we decided to go with that.

We went back to the inn. Byorne, Erissa, Amara, and I all went into Byorne's room, while Kippen and Ellie went into their own room. I got some water prepared, and Byorne sat down on a rug to try to contact Theria. I sat close by, because I knew I'd be needed at a moment's notice. He was able to get in contact with Theria, and gave her the message I presume...He said that Theria needs us to go to Shendar City as soon as possible. That's where my family is...I wonder if we'll go through Elftown. I wonder if I'll be too ashamed to introduce my family to my group...I hope not.

Byorne collapsed after his contact with Theria, and I caught him as well as I could. I immediately put my hands on him and asked the Great Mother to help me keep him alive...I felt his heart flutter some, but eventually it became steady again, and his breathing became more normal as well. I didn't want to risk passing out along with him, so as soon as I felt faint, I forced myself to stop and to concentrate on keeping myself concious. Amara gave Byorne water, and Erissa went to get me my own. What was weird was that she just left the pitcher and glass in the room near me, and left. She didn't even pour it for me or anything. I tried pouring it myself, but I was shaking so much that I got a lot on the floor too. Amara tried to help me...she helped me steady my hand as I was drinking the water. I'm glad she did. She then got Kippen to help her put Byorne on the bed.

After I got most of my strength back, I told Amara and Kippen that I wanted to stay in the room overnight. Kippen offered to stay, and said Ellie could stay too if I wanted. But I told him no. He seemed worried, and Amara did too. I'm not sure if Kippen was worried that I wouldn't have enough strength to be by myself, or if he thought I couldn't be trusted with an unconcious Byorne. Either way, I convinced him to let me stay by myself. It was kind of impulsive...but I knew I had to do it. I have to take care of him, after what happened earlier. I got so upset, and I hated him...I had no reason to. I felt guilty, and I still do. I needed to make it up in some way, and taking care of him overnight seemed like a good way to handle it. Tobias came to sit in the windowsill, and I said a prayer for Byorne. I asked the Mother to protect him and keep him safe, and I asked her to help him have a speedy recovery. I then lay down on the rug on the floor to think.

I have to wonder what Byorne would think if he knew I was here. I don't really want him to know...I don't want to give him the wrong idea or anything. I just need a way to apologize, to make things right, to trust him again...and this is the only way I can do it right now. It makes it easier that he's not concious, because I don't have to worry about the nervousness he invokes when he's around me. But still...it's a step in the right direction. I want to trust him. He's a good man. This is my way of proving to myself that he is worth trusting.

I thanked the Mother a lot while drifting off. I thanked her for helping me to put my past behind me. I'm afraid that the process might be reversed if and when we go to Elftown...but we shall see. It will at least be nice to see Silaqui and Talas again.

Thank you, Mother, for all that you have done, are doing, and will do for me. Please protect him and try to make sure that he recovers quickly.
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